sleepless in …

Mauritius kam nach Hause und hatte Hunger. Er haute sich ein paar Eier in die Pfanne. Die Bude war soweit klar. Pläne hatte er für heute nicht mehr. Darum legte er sich früh ab, morgen würde ein anstrengender Tag in der Werbeagentur auf ihn warten. Am nächsten Morgen überkam ihn ein galoppierendes Faulfieber und er blieb zu Hause.
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Flash
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Die Dark Shadow kam aus Brasilien heim und landete in ihrem Heimatort.
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das verdammte Bier hatte ihn schon wieder an den Rand des Abgrundes gebracht.
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es war ihm jedoch egal, nach allem.
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das durfte nicht sein.
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last exit, HIT THE BRAKES !
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http://vachss.com/whisperstream.html

scizophrenia from within – parts in mother tongue

it’ s a black hole, good vs. evil…..
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Jahre und Jahrzente Alkohol- und Cannabiskonsums liegen hinter mir. Ein Wunder, dass ich noch bis drei zählen kann. Jugend forscht. Ist Arbeit ein Menschenrecht ? Sezieren wir den Gedanken an den Tod. Ende. Sirenen und Glocken. Jesus und Buddha.
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flash
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suicide
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f20
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Hölle auf Erden aus Angst. Gewalt. Hoffnungslosigkeit und Fanatismus. Macht und Kommunikation. Sex and drugs and Rock’ n Roll. Feel. Trustbeliefloverespect. Strength, hope, happiness. Laugh. Bees. Bears. Peace on Earth. God. Behaviour and conduct.
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freedom and the l-word.
to face the fear inside’ s the best way of winning. pills. silence. bass. get in touch if you need a bed in herford. pray. laugh. spread the word, partner, if I can lend a helping hand, I’ ll do my very best. together.

you gotta hang on the trip you’ re on

Feel free. Freedom is a gift. But it’ s always linked to responsibility. You eat meat, you are responsible for killing animals. Seems ridiculous, sounds esoteric, you watch porno, you are responsible for slavery. The places I go, google doesn’ t help. The streets you have to survive are a hard road layed out. Bus, supermarket and the fuckin’ internet seem to be public area. So, let’ s roll a pair of dice, what if you can’ t stand your boss anymore ? Will you take the responsibility for canceling the job and living on welfare ? Even further, what if there is no such thing as welfare ? If it’ s a question of life or death, yeah, every day ? Don’ t get me wrong, I just ask questions… What if your neighbour is a wife beater ? What if the boy next door lives in pain ? What if ticking timebombs everywhere ? The pack always comes back. Hard on soft, soft on hard. Will you elect the rotten tomatoe for president ? Who’ s gonna whip you when I’ m gone ? How much war do we need ? Lack of respect, everywhere… weed isn’ t a drug ? Mass destruction, hate, fear and loneliness. The people begin to laugh you start a sentence with the letter ‘j’. I’ m on humanity and empathy. Yo, man, the self fulfilling prophecy was broke down. You got freedom of speech and free will at your site, at least if you can read and understand this. A question of time ? A question of courage ? A question of liberty ? A question of politics ? I did not read ‘Oliver Twist’ and I did not watch ‘Forrest Gump’. But I got eyes. Eyes to see the whole misery. World of trouble. So where to get the hope ? Universal access to knowledge. Instincts and adrenaline. Day to day. Friends. Music. Love. Behaviour. Start a band, write. The river flows. So do I. Laugh. Strength, hope, happiness. Every day could be the last. Feel free.

some old records

some Dicks
Sister Double Happiness – Sister Double Happiness
Sister Double Happiness – Heart and Mind
Sister Double Happiness – Uncut
Sister Double Happiness – Horsey Water
Sister Double Happiness – A Stone’s Throw from Love
Gary Floyd Band – World of Trouble
Gary Floyd Band – Broken Angels
Gary Floyd Band – Naked Angels
Gary Floyd Band – Roughage
Gary Floyd Band – In a Dark Room
Gary Floyd Band – Back Door Preacher Man
Black Kali Ma – You ride the Pony (I’ll be the Bunny)
Buddha Brothers – Buddha Light
Book: Please Bee nice – A Gary Floyd Memoir

Choice

Emotional abuse is poison. It steals your free will. I am not a victim, but I know exactly how it works. This is meant to be an essay about mental hygiene. The anti-poison is psychoeducation. If you think to depend on what others say, you can at least try to learn self-reference. As a Vachss-reader I have been deep into the topic. And as an adult, you seem to face the same traps over and over again. It’ s like a voice whispering you are worth nothing, I have the power over you and you do what you have to do. Take a minute, think it over again and tell yourself I hear the voice, okay, it’ s there, but I don’ t wanna listen to it, I am boss. Let it be violence, let it be drug addiction, there’ s always a seed planted in your mind years and years ago and you have the power to fight it. As stated otherwise, we make our own monsters, but now I’ m repeating foreign thoughts. There’ s hope. Build a peer-group. Let go negative influences. If you’ re facing the same problems over and over again, each time you’ re a bit smarter, even wiser and you don’ t need to repeat your mistakes. It’ s all about choice. I choose to smoke, I choose to listen, I choose to turn the other way, I choose to build my own family.

Hate and fear are the enemies. If you didn’ t learn faith, as an adult it’ s difficult double. Take it or leave it, the lesson’ s worth a try. Surround yourself with encouraging people. Even become an encourager. Learn to look at the positive sites, hard to find, they may be little, but they’ re there. Let me leave a final quote, printed on some dub-record I own :

Trustbeliefloverespect

Hard enough, you do not *have* to repeat the evil seed. It’ s your choice, you are in control.

Stay tuned.